What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 29.06.2025 12:04
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
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I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
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I said to her
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Are narcissists happy people generally?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And i lived it daily.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He resisted the act ,that day.
I think the readers, may guess!
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He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Why does Islam give a bad vibe?
I have no regrets .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Why do Democrats call any Republican "Magats", like they are subhuman?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She loved him until the end.
She was in good health!
Why do men cheat on their wives with someone extremely unattractive?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My family never makes their pension either.
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She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was seconnd youngest,
Is it safe to say that China is at least 30 years ahead of India?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Ive learnt so much.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Is helping Ukraine worth risking WW3?
Especially a lifetime of it.
She found it foreign!.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One cannot live in the past .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I couldn’t, believe it.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Who then, do I blame.?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
What did i know ?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was scared of men, in general
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
It was going to be , some day.
I waited trembling.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
When she asked me how she looked .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My life is so biszare .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
We were not on the streets..
Why did i forgive my father ?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She married twice! .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Put me off passion for life!!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was 9 years of age.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I will be 64.
Im still living with it.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Would this be the day?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But it wasn’t much.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But, we were locked up after school.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
This is soul school!.
I don,t even have a pension.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She wouldn,t have been !
So, i spoilt her more .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
(And it was in our own minds.)
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I write beautiful poetry .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Was to survive, this bastard.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I could never make a relationship work though!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Comes on , in middle age.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I never cut or harmed myself..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We all went to grammer schools
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
All the time i was locked up.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
So whats the point in blame.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was very sick at this time too.
He knew the spot.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.